When I stepped on the scale this morning I was pretty surprised to find that I am more-or-less the same weight as I was a month ago. For the past year I have dieted and lost 75+ lbs. I ended my diet 7-lbs short of my goal, due to a ‘plateau.’ As recommended in the Dukan Diet book I started the ‘consolidation phase.’ This basically consists of protein + vegetable days everyday and once per week you can have a ‘celebration meal.’ I must admit the idea of a restriction-free meal is ultimately what convinced me to prematurely stop the weight-loss phase of this diet.
The celebration meals proved to be more of a test of willpower than I could have imagined. To start with, I still have an overwhelming sense of guilt every time I eat carbs. In addition I find myself conflicted following the meal. I find that half of my brain is trying to convince me to keep eating junk food. I sometimes catch myself thinking ‘how much damage can one slice of pizza do?’ This is actually pretty dangerous territory, because I have given in to the temptation a few times. When the rules are very clear (ie. ‘don’t ever eat this’) they are easier to adhere to. When there is gray area, I find it much harder to be good.
I find myself in a cycle where I eat 2 or 3 ‘celebration meals’ over the weekend (I am supposed to have 1 per week) and then I crash diet over the weekdays to ‘dig myself out of a hole.’ During my stricter weekdays I also guilt myself into exercising more. Guilt can be a very powerful motivator. I hope that as I continue this phase I can strike a better balance. The idea of me slowly drifting back into my bad habits scares the dickens out of me. I feel that I have come a long way and I want stay thin, but I also feel that I am fat guy at heart.